I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
