i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
