made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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