I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
