how can u be prego again
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
