it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
