she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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