No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
