i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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