He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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