last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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