So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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