I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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