I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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