Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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