there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
