I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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