I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's blow job season.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
