PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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