Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize