I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
