he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
