wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
