i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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