If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Who died my cat blue again?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
