You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
