I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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