So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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