well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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