I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
