I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize