We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
