I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
