I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
