Tell her she can't have a vagina
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
