$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
