The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
