My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
