When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
