Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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