I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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