yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
