If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
