wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
be right there i have to get my cape
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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