he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
