My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
