it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I supernannyed him into submission
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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