so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
