But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
