You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
