Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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