I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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