Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
