You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
