I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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