i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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