Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
