I think I died a long time ago.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
