Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
