Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize