I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize