Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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