someone get that fucking seahorse.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
