They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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