I hate all girls vehemently.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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