his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
